The Can

Prisoners in the Can have no sorrow for themselves.  We looked at each other and saw how miserable we could let ourselves be.  It would be so easy to drink a week away in the Can.  I won't deny wanting to pass into the Guiltless Oblivion where I don't remember my cares.  But in the Can, you will not make it without your Group.  You depend on your Group and they keep you alive. I first noticed that the Can had a total of two normal beds, a cracked television, and a sometimes functional toilet.  My Group consisted of one adult male, one adult female, and three boys.  The boys, obviously, hadn't had childhoods other than their own already so they took the Can in stride.  The female and I were less resilient and the boys' innocence was sometimes all that drove us.

How do you stay honest with your kids and comfort them simultaneously? I struggled with coming up with  the right way to discuss loss and uncertainty with these boys. Maybe I wanted to apologize for getting us all sent to the Can.  I tried talking to them about it so much that it became easy.  We were able to joke about it, laugh about it, be serious about it, mourn it, and move on from it.  Here's a theme, I think we'll see it again: if I focus on improving others' situations, maybe I'll feel better too.  And that's what happened, the Group gave me focus and daily goals.  I would have died without the Group.

The Can Greatest Hits

*the washer doesn't work/ is frozen
*the dryer sucks sewer gas into the Can
*propane plumbing valves freeze constantly (see also "unreliable heat")
*unreliable heat
*imagine tossing a soda can into a wind tunnel, that's how we slept all winter
*no water usually
*no hot water usually
* damp and cold and crowded
* We learned how to play Risk again.
*Max and Ben honed their chess skills and became real life champions.
*We celebrated New Year's Eve with friends that actually came to visit us in the Can.
*Lauren became assistant cook when I refused the full time position.  It paid off, you should come eat sometime!
*My brother contracted the new house build and he taught me more than I ever could've learned about building.
*Friends gave directly to my Group.  Friends worked countless hours just to get us out of the can.  Why would a happy guy on the outside pause his life to bust us out of the can?  I think some people just can't help it, they gotta help.
*My boots stayed dry the whole time we were in the Can.  I needed them.  I knew that if I didn't put my boots on the electric boot dryer before bed I'd be in trouble.  If I missed a morning of house work or farm work, we'd get more time in the Can. I had found a Ritual.  The thing about a Ritual is this: once you have one, you can build on it to do even more.
*Sam started reading chapter books.
*We learned to depend on each other.
*We learned:
     *you can make a huge variety with just milk and eggs
     *how to butcher a pig
     *how to build a house the right way.  Yes, there is a chimney this time!
     *how to hold it until someone else is through (more on this later)
     *sharing a bed with a loved one is not a sacrifice
     *each member of our Group is a deeply good person.  There was little to no animosity or argument in the Can.  We each knew we owed our best to the group.
     *there is no substitute for work.  The only way out of the Can is to build its replacement.
*the sewer pipe fell off again...
*the Group ultimately escaped the Can. With an UNCANNY amount of help!